This is a late happy 2018 post! (Perfect timing for the super blue blood moon!)
From the age of 23 up until 2016, life was chaos for me, life was hard to me and on top of that people were hard towards me-Kick a dog down when its already down on its luck kind of thing-it would have been nice to have been raised up and a very small handful of people did, so I am thankful for that, they were my little fireflies guiding me through the darkness. But many seemed to take advantage of my pain and at times my gentleness- mistaking them both as weaknesses to prey on. But I don’t have resentment for that time in my life-in fact it was a great life lesson of developing empathy; I have bundles of empathy for the downtrodden, the lost souls and the neglected, it was a wonderful opportunity of humbleness too….
Things began to change for me in 2016 when I embarked on my yoga teaching journey- I became a kids yoga teacher and got my first tattoo. 2017 was a wonderful year for me too- I became a Teen yoga teacher and got two more tattoos plus one of my poems was published on Rebelle Society- All this from a woman people thought wouldn’t or shouldn’t amount to anything, ha!
The meaning behind all this is that I took back my body and my life, I stopped allowing people to interfere with my decisions and choices and whilst that pissed some individual’s off- I slowly began to celebrate who I really am and who I was becoming, I became free from the restraint of societal pressure to be a certain way. My confidence came back and with that came compliments that I suited this newfound sassiness and zest for life. Over 2017 I allowed myself to be deliciously quirky without fear of criticism and the old “what is she doing that for?’ comments faded away with the dust. 2017 was a year of self acceptance, I am not perfect but I’m fully accepting and open about being unconventional, I’m totally OK with myself now and I get that I’m complicated, headstrong and not everyone’s cup of tea, I get that to some I am a bit batty and throughout my life I will always be misunderstood but at the age of 32 I’m not going to negotiate my worth and my belonging with other people anymore, I won’t hide behind the conventional mask, I know who I am and I’m clear about that and I just won’t negotiate who I am for anyone and if I don’t fit into your view of how I should act/speak/dress/make choices and live life then that’s your problem not mine.
I’m really proud and happy to be me and to celebrate I got a new tattoo. I feel beautiful and sexy and content. This tattoo means a lot to me because it was a birthday present from my mum (back in October) and the roses represent Aphrodite, goddess of love for I am Pagan (There I said it- this is my spiritual practice-I’ve come out of the broom closet).
So, that being said, what will I be doing this 2018 and the years to come? I’ve decided to do an intensive 200hr yoga teacher training this year and I’m also doing a couple more short courses on mental health because this is the direction I’m going-yoga for mental health-at some point in the far future I want to do a Yin YTT, Thai Yoga Massage & train as a yoga therapist specializing in mental health and women’s health (womb yoga).
This year my good friend Jodie and I are running a few more Yoga & Belly dance workshops AND I hope to start up sacred feminine circles that include ceremony, sacred dance dedicated to deity, yoga asana, yoga nidra, reiki, art and much more. I’m teaching yoga and dance again to a group of teen girls at the youth leisure night and I have some new articles being published. 2017 was the first year in a long time where I felt I could finally breathe and that big change was in the air but I also felt stronger and I now have big plans for my future and I won’t be held back or told I’m unworthy of reaching for the stars ever again. Life is short and I will not settle for scraps.