I get told A LOT that certain aspects to my personality should be changed or repressed to fit a certain mold that ticks all the boxes to certify me as a good citizen of normal society. So many times I’ve been told in subtle ways I should stay working in retail and train as a manager because its deemed a safe, normal job, my aspirations to become a holistic yoga teacher is either not celebrated, disrespected or pessimistically questioned. I’ve been told to tone down my spirituality and maybe get more into fashion, shopping and having babies because playing with make-up or being a mum (and wife) is much more accepted than playing with tarot cards and choosing to build a career. I’ve been judged for wasting my time on wanting to better myself through study and instead I should be washing the dishes like a good, honest, subservient woman. I’ve been told how I dress is too flamboyant, mis-matched and glamorous and I should be more plain, don’t wear red lipstick, keep to earthy tones, wear jeans and T-shirts and be a subdued, good little lady who follows orders. My hair is praised when it is straight because that is the trendy look we all see every day and so the vicious circle continues. People really love to tell others how to live and I find it utterly ridiculous.
I just want to note here: I already have strong views on certain topics and events waiting for me in my future. I already know how I’d like to get married and raise my kids- nobody is going to interfere and yes it will most likely be unconventional but then it’s nobody’s business!
So with that said, after so many comments about my hair, I thought to enlighten everyone.
In the first photo: it’s 100% natural, bundles of frizz which is why when people tell me to go natural I just laugh at their nativity because I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter! I have to use special mousse and curl serum to give my waves and ringlets more definition and less frizz. It is not practical to have my hair like this, it’s like wool and will probably dread quite well, but this frizz would not help me in job interviews, when I’m performing on stage or even walking out the house on a windy day. In a nutshell: Stop telling me to just leave it natural when you have no idea what it’s really like living with curly hair.
The second photo: I have to straighten my hair when it needs a trim, it helps the hair stylist- so if you see me walking around with straight hair it means I’ve booked in for hair treatment! I really hate it when people say “you look so much better with straight hair” Erm, thanks for insulting my God given curls! And I know they say it because most people now have and strive for straight hair, it’s also the fashion and T.V ads brainwash us to buy product that gets rid of curls and gives you sleek straight hair- so I understand why people believe straight hair is more beautiful in this generation. It wasn’t in the 80’s, every woman wanted perms and in other cultures curly hair is normal and considered beautiful. Also straightening my hair is too much work, within minutes it goes kinky and frizz begins to form- no thanks! In a nutshell: Why do you think straight hair is so much better than curly hair? Please think about this, where does this come from and why are you trying to change me to be somebody I’m not? It would be a very sad day if I gave in and kept my hair straight just to fit in and receive the thumbs up for being like everybody else and sadly there are women who have fallen victim to this, not just with their hair but with every aspect to their personality.
The last photo: what my hair looks like when I use styling products to give my curls definition and to keep it healthy. Stylist has also dyed it black and we had a go at adding blue to the ends, it will need another “lift” but strangely it turned turquoise green which I kinda prefer and my stylist said “Oh my God you’ve got mermaid hair! And your eyes are mermaid-like too!” And I replied “I am a mermaid”
I used to hate my hair, wished I had what all the other girls around me had (straight and blond) but now I just love it and I love being me. In a nutshell: I won’t conform.
Moral of this tale: love who you are, love YOUR beauty not what everybody else believes to be beautiful.
People all your life are unfortunately going to tell you how to be, how to dress, what to do with your life and your career, how to raise your kids, what to name your kids and the list goes on. The one thing they can not do is dictate how you should have been born, who you are from within and how you should die. They might mean well but really it’s just meddling masked as advice based on their own illusion of how the world should be and therefore how you should be and that’s stupid because one man’s junk is another man’s treasure, one one man’s IDEA of hell is another man’s IDEA of heaven on this earth- for example: My idea of hell is remaining in my retail job for the rest of my life but I know people in this job who believes that career path to be heaven, but I don’t criticize their career choice and they don’t mine. My idea of beauty is somebody else’s idea of unattractive but I’d never tell a straight haired person they’d look so much better with curls? Why do we praise people for following a certain order? Like cattle? Why don’t we celebrate individuality and diversity? Why are we afraid of difference?
My curly hair is a statement that tells onlookers I am happy with my body and therefore my life- and this includes the choices and mistakes I make. My hair symbolizes that everything I am and do belongs to me only. The moment I decide to chemically straighten my hair is the moment when I’ve been pressured to follow the crowd and do what’s expected of me: Stay safe, be in a normal job, don’t do this but do that, get married in a church, get a house, name my kids after their Grandparents, get a car, don’t get tattoos and send my kids to mainstream schools and so on. I prefer to live on the fringe of society, I don’t do what is expected of me, I’m not compliant and I never will be.